is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sext me about skeletons
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
