Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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