At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
