How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
