Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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