He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
