Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize