The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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