maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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