hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My ass is underappreciated
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize