Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
