that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
