So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
