Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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