Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
