guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
