He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
porn star boner night. come get it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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