oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
