Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
