Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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