Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
