watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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