how hairy? two words: wookie tits
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
