Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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