my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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