no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
