I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
