can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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