You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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