Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
