He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
