i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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