Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
