Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
