This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
