I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
