hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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