he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just found a bag of teeth...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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