Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
