I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
