There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
