I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
