So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
