That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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