There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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