I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i will never coherently bang her
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She bit a glass in half.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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