I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
