Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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