hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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