it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
