You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
