And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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