I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
