i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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