Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I need moral support for this bender
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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