dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
