so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
