Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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