so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
