I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
