the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
