I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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