I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
