he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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