I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
