you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have aggressive nipples.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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