i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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