if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
