I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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