She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
